⠀.　　　　　　　⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. 　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　✦                             .      　　　　　⠀　　   　, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　⠀　　　⠀.　    　　

Winter hasn’t quite faded away, but spring sure is moving in. There are so many buds starting on the trees arounds me and bright green is starting to show up everywhere. If I’m being honest, I’m usually a lot more excited about the changing of the seasons. This has been a really weird year for me, though, and my mood just isn’t where it usually is.

I’ve been trying to distract myself with giving my apartment a very deep clean. It’s been slow progress. I am still working my way through it as this weekend will make for three out of four weekends being spent out at my parents’ place. It makes it a lot more difficult to get things done when I’m spending so much of my time off either driving out there and back or continuing to pack and unpack. 

So far my family has found 2025 to be full of hospitals and doctors and tests and open heart surgery and MRI’s and EEG’s and all things medical and cognitive related. The year feels like it has been flying by, but, at the same time, when you’re stuck waiting on tests and answers and things like appointments to line up.. it also feels very, very long. I feel for those who are constantly dealing with the uncertainty of loved ones being alright. It is exhausting in a way that is hard to explain.

⠀.　　　　　　　⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. 　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　✦                             .      　　　　　⠀　　   　, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　⠀　　　⠀.　    　　˚

I think one of the things that I have always struggled the most with is letting go of things that I don’t want to let go of. It is completely different knowing that you have the ability to go on without something in your life, whether by your choice or not, than to actually face the reality of the absence of it. You get attached to certain things, places, people and, one that people often seem to forget, ideas. You have ideas of how you want things, how you want your life to go. One of the hardest things is having no choice but to let go of every plan you had for your future because life is saying that’s just not the way it’s meant to be.

I’ve been spending a lot of time just reflecting and savoring moments. I am someone who is always trying to accomplish things. This last year has changed that completely. I’m still just as driven as always, but with my main focus changing, it has looked a little different. It took too many years for me to realize that the accomplishments from working really are not as important as the time you could be spending with your loved ones or the love you could be offering them. Your greatest accomplishments can end up happening because of the ways you are loving people or showing up for them.

I hope, whether your year is starting out the way you would like or not, that you can find some solace in the hopeful start of new life that spring is! 

-S  🌸