Golden sunlight is filtering through the windows. The birds are busy eating at the feeders. There is bright green everywhere. The little trees are covered in white and pink and purple. They are surrounded by a small sea of yellow tulips popping up, some of which are already showing their full splendor. There are bees buzzing around and butterflies fluttering.

My mom called earlier so we could catch up on how the last week had gone. It was definitely filled with more questions and unfortunate news than anything hopeful, but something in the miracles of life kept us laughing and joking and looking for the goodness of life despite the less than ideal situation. We talked for almost two hours. We went through the good, the bad, the ugly, the laughs, the tears, the pains and fears. 

⠀.　　　　　　　⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. 　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　✦                             .      　　　　　⠀　　   　, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　⠀　　　⠀.　    　　˚

I had originally been planning on posting a couple weeks ago, but I haven’t felt like I have words for much. This year has been tough. It’s been full of lessons and realizations along with all the moments constantly taking us back down to our knees in tears and desperation. I’ve been taking a lot of time to just sit. Everything has been heavy and tiresome. My head and heart are working through a lot as I continue to ponder, process, and accept everything happening.

The sun is setting now as I sit lost in thought. My brain honestly can’t come up with anything. I watch the doves eat, the blue jays diving down to grab the peanuts, the squirrel burying them at what seems like an impossible speed. I need to be getting things done. I’ve been putting off too many things lately. I have concerts and a wedding coming up. I have work orders and appointments to schedule. My car needs new tires and a thorough clean inside and out.

⠀.　　　　　　　⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. 　　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　✦                             .      　　　　　⠀　　   　, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　⠀　　　⠀.　    　　˚

I have to get my train back on the track, but for right now I feel the need to just sit. I feel calm and hopeful. The Banana Ball World Tour is on. The setting rays are hitting the tulips just right. I’m feeling grateful for all my blessings. One of the things I’m learning is to treat myself with grace and compassion and mercy. I am a human, not a machine, and feelings can be a lot to work through. The things that life throws at you can sometimes require you to rebalance or recalibrate.  Growth can be very painful and uncomfortable at times. Sometimes the rain dumps down so heavy you don’t see the way. You have to keep in mind that it’s temporary. It will pass. You just have to persist.

Keep it light, keep it love, keep it magical. Life is beautiful even with the dark moments. You are literally magic. I hope you realize that.

– S