Hey all 🙂

This year feels like such a whirlwind of chaos so far. It has been mess after mess, prayer battle after prayer battle, having four other fires pop up before the first one is even put out. It has been hard to stay positive and not let the doubts and fear of defeat creep in. I’m not sure how your lives are going, but mine has been including lots of messes and stresses at work, family health seeming to be nonexistent, dreams of the future you imagined for yourself and your loved ones just poofing away like dust..

⠀.　　　　　　　⠀✦ ⠀ ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀* ⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. 　✦⠀　,　　　　　　　　  　                      　˚

I don’t usually talk about faith or how I see God working in my life. Usually, I’m just quiet and keep it to myself. Lately, with so much in my life changing so quickly into something that my human mind perceives as negative, I have been making more of an effort to choose to spend time with Spirit.

Now, I need to start by saying it is not the solve all or all the answers to your problems. Do not get the wrong idea. I have still been frustrated, irritated, baffled. I’ve still had tears streaming uncontrollably down my face while feeling like I can’t breathe. I feel like I have less answers for everything, but in it all, I keep feeling like that is the answer. I am down to one answer.. to have my sole focus on God and my full trust in His plan for my life.

⠀. ⠀✦ ⠀.　　          ⠀*⠀⠀.　　　　  　. ⠀⠀           　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀. 　✦⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　✦                        　, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　　　　　 　⠀　　⠀.　    　　˚

I have been making an effort to start and end my day with time spent with the Spirit. It has been my prayer for most of my life that I could get to a point where I was constantly praying. This last year has done that. I almost haven’t been able to focus on anything else, which is good, because the more focused on Him that I am, the more at peace I feel and the more communication I seem to get. The only thing is.. I didn’t realize that the way that I would get there would be by having so many things (big and small) going so wrong all at once that I would be left with two choices on how to proceed. Either I could crumble under it all, or rise up and challenge it with the fact that I have the “big, bad” Lord on my side.

I’m not one to try to say something is either right or wrong. I tend to think that there is usually truth in both sides of stories. This is something, though, where I want to put this out there in case anyone reading this is going through what feels like battle after battle. This life is hard. We are human bodies that serve as homes to spiritual beings. Our lives are full of human struggles with the spiritual warfare on top of it.

In my life, I have been back and forth on how much and exactly what I think I believe. It is not easy to put your total faith into things that no one can see or truly prove exists. I understand that completely. But, the thing is, that true belief in something is what needs to come first (even when it feels 100% completely delusional). It isn’t a thing where you see it first. You can’t experience things that you don’t believe exist. The more I give up my will for my life and ask for what the Universe wants in my life, the more I see the stuff that feels like actual magic.

  　　　⠀✦ ⠀  ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　⠀⠀⠀⠀* ⠀.　　　　　　　　　　. ⠀⠀　ﾟ⠀⠀⠀  ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.⠀　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　✦           　, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀.　    ˚　                ⠀.　    　　˚

This is getting a bit long, so I’ll wrap it up. Just know that ripples can carry far. The best changes you can make are sometimes the smallest ones that seem like they won’t bring anything significant. If you have something to complain about, maybe try to follow it up with something of gratitude. Is someone annoying you more than usual? Maybe instead of focusing on how annoyed you’re feeling, you can turn your attention to something you appreciate about them. The more you focus on something, the more you experience it. Baby steps are still steps. Butterflies flapping their wings still create wind. 

Stay strong. Keep your focus on the love and beauty that are around even in the darkest and most broken parts of life ✩

-S